His ears were filled with an incessant ringing that ceased to fall through. He could only see a bright light that penetrated his eyelids. Were his eyes open? Initially, the confused young man could not tell. Gradually, the ringing in his ears dulled, but never completely disappeared. Then, he felt the pain. The mind-numbing pain that enveloped his body like a flame in a dark room; it was the only thing he could feel. He opened his eyes slowly. The bright light seared into his retinas, adding to the burning sensation prevalent throughout his body. What happened here, he thought. What the hell happened here?
The light faded from his eyes. Sky blue, he thought, as he tried to make out the color that filled his head. He thought of the ocean. How he and his dog would swim in the beaches of the North Carolina...
He opened his droopy eyes. The pain that was so prevalent in his body shifted towards certain sections of his tired body. He slowly put a shaky hand towards his forehead, and after the touch inflamed his head with pain, realized that he was bleeding. Profusely. Images of the past flashed before his eyes...
His breath was getting shorter and shorter. The pain, masked before by the shock, was now stabbing at him with a thousand red hot needles. He wondered about his dog, Daisy, a beautiful golden retriever. He wondered how long it's been since he had last fed her.
The light started to fade from his eyes. The bright blue light was now blocked by a yellow blob with an unrecognizable face. Ah, this must be God, he thought. The young man struggled to lift up his arms, as if begging the figure to take him away from the pain. The yellow object bent down closer to his injured body, almost as if to comply with his request.
The paramedic quickly checked the vitals of the barely-concious young man on the pavement. He then took off his helmet, and told the boy that he was in an accident. If it wasn't for that dog, you'd probably be dead, he said. What are you talking about, thought the boy. What dog?
The paramedic read his confused facial expression. The boy suddenly remembered what had happened. Denial spread throughout his mind. He felt hot tears streaming down his bloody face...
The paramedic pointed to a patch of blood spattered across the asphalt. A patch of blood and a golden body. Daisy.
Mingoo's comment: Although you did not get to finish your story, it shows me that you have clearly understood how to write in third person point of view. I think you have your own unique style of writing. I like how you started your story. I think that will attract the readers more in to your story. Well done!
His ears were filled with an incessant ringing that ceased to fall through. He could only see a bright light that penetrated his eyelids. Were his eyes open? Initially, the confused young man could not tell. Gradually, the ringing in his ears dulled, but never completely disappeared. Then, he felt the pain. The mind-numbing pain that enveloped his body like a flame in a dark room; it was the only thing he could feel. He opened his eyes slowly. The bright light seared into his retinas, adding to the burning sensation prevalent throughout his body. What happened here, he thought. What the hell happened here?
The light faded from his eyes. Sky blue, he thought, as he tried to make out the color that filled his head. He thought of the ocean. How he and his dog would swim in the beaches of the North Carolina...
He opened his droopy eyes. The pain that was so prevalent in his body shifted towards certain sections of his tired body. He slowly put a shaky hand towards his forehead, and after the touch inflamed his head with pain, realized that he was bleeding. Profusely. Images of the past flashed before his eyes...
His breath was getting shorter and shorter. The pain, masked before by the shock, was now stabbing at him with a thousand red hot needles. He wondered about his dog, Daisy, a beautiful golden retriever. He wondered how long it's been since he had last fed her.
The light started to fade from his eyes. The bright blue light was now blocked by a yellow blob with an unrecognizable face. Ah, this must be God, he thought. The young man struggled to lift up his arms, as if begging the figure to take him away from the pain. The yellow object bent down closer to his injured body, almost as if to comply with his request.
The paramedic quickly checked the vitals of the barely-concious young man on the pavement. He then took off his helmet, and told the boy that he was in an accident. If it wasn't for that dog, you'd probably be dead, he said. What are you talking about, thought the boy. What dog?
The paramedic read his confused facial expression. The boy suddenly remembered what had happened. Denial spread throughout his mind. He felt hot tears streaming down his bloody face...
The paramedic pointed to a patch of blood spattered across the asphalt. A patch of blood and a golden body. Daisy.
Mingoo's comment: Although you did not get to finish your story, it shows me that you have clearly understood how to write in third person point of view. I think you have your own unique style of writing. I like how you started your story. I think that will attract the readers more in to your story. Well done!